Green is For the Trees -- Another forgotten blog post from April

Envy. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. For one, it's definitely one of my greatest weaknesses. I see other people's happiness and talents and I just get so mad that I didn't get those things. I always think, if only I could just have that one thing that they have, then I would be happy.
Last weekend was also General Conference, which of course, always sends me in frenzies of new thoughts on how to improve myself. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, first counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, gave a fantastic talk on not judging others. In my notes, I wrote NO ENVY, just like that in capital letters. And to top it all off, in my Ethics and Values class that I'm taking online, in an excerpt from "Virtuous Activity," Aristotle says, "But not every action nor every passion admits of a mean [or good]; for some have names that already imply badness, e.g., spite, shamelessness, envy..."
In a way, I usually feel I can justify my envy because I want good things. Like, why can't I be a good missionary like So-and-So, or why can't I be more charitable like What's-Her-Name? But envy is always wrong, even if I envy someone's ability to be charitable, because when I envy someone, not only do I feel inferior, but then I try to justify myself by thinking of all their bad qualities that should most assuredly cancel out whatever it is that I envy. Then, I feel bad about myself already, and then I'm also mentally tearing others down and purposefully not treating them as Christ would have me treat them.
Tonight, as the pangs of envy began to creep into my mind about some of my incredibly awesome friends and their outstanding propensity for missionary work, a thought came to me. That's just not my gift. I mean, it's certainly something I can try to develop, and that I should develop, but perhaps in a different way. I thought about different people in my life and their effect on me, and the experiences I've gone through. Everything has led me here to this point in my life, and I'm definitely not a perfect person, but I believe I can say with certainty that I am a better person than I was last April.
One of my all-time favorite quotes is by Elder Neal A. Maxwell, who was an apostle. He says, "The same God that placed that star in a precise orbit millenia before it appeared over Bethlehem in celebration of the birth of the Babe has given at least equal attention to each of us in precise human orbits, so that we may, if we will, illuminate the landscape of our individual lives, so that our light may not only lead others, but warm them as well."
So what I am very clumsily getting at here is the idea that we are all given unique talents and gifts, and we are all placed in specific "human orbits" that allow us not only to grow, but to help others grow as well. There is absolutely no reason to ever be envious. I'm the person that I am because my Heavenly Father knows me and my heart, and He gave me specific talents, desires, and weaknesses tailored to my own personal earthly experience and quest for eternal life. How incredibly wonderful is that?
Now, I'm not trying to excuse myself for not being a good missionary, but I realize that sometimes the way some people are able to do missionary work is not the same way that I am able to contribute. I am not nearly bold enough to walk up to someone and give them a pass-along card. But I do know that when I truly care about someone, that love runs deep and there is rooted in me a desire to help them know how much God loves them as well. I may never be bold enough to say anything to their face, but I've spent many nights on my knees, in tears, praying that they will know, and praying that I will know how to show them.
A blog is a good way for me to communicate how I really feel. I always think in my head like I'm writing something. A phrase comes to me over and over again, and I go back and edit and revise until the thought is exactly what I'm thinking. I'm always stumbling over words when I speak. And I think, at least I hope, that writing is one of those specific talents that Heavenly Father has given me.
So, here's to developing new talents, and having gratitude for the ones I already have.There's no reason to envy what someone else has when my cup runneth over. My life is beautiful and wonderful, and there are still so many promised blessings that I will receive when the time is right.
I know that God is there. I just know it, in my heart, and the feeling is overwhelming.

How are you? -- A blog post I forgot about from March :)

So, I have this friend, who may or may not read this blog, I don't know, but I remember in high school when people would ask him how he was doing, he would always say, "ok." And he'd say the reasoning why he didn't say "good" all the time is because if he was "good" all the time then it wouldn't really be good, it would just be normal. Thus, he was "ok." Well, I can tell you right now, people keep asking me how I'm doing out here in Florida, and I can tell you that things are FANTASTIC.
Ok, maybe that was a little overenthusiastic, but let's be real. I'm living in Disney World.
Here are a few reasons why my life is awesome right now:
1. Florida is beautiful. If you've ever been to Disneyland, you know that it is surrounded on all sides by city--a bunch of little businesses cropped up after it was built to take advantage of all the tourists. Well, Walt Disney hated that. He wished he had more room to build. So he decided to start the "Florida Project." He bought an immense amount of land out here in central Florida so that no one could box him in. Therefore, Disney World is surrounded by forest. It really is the most fantastic forest too, because you've got your regular conifer trees, but you've also got palm trees and those little plants that look tropical...I can't remember what they're called. And sometimes, when it's early in the morning it's wrapped in mist. It's so great. I always imagine myself with a machete, wearing khaki shorts and hiking boots, cutting my way through the forest, wrestling alligators and stuff just like Indiana Jones. Although, I am a chicken when it comes to alligators because when my friend and I were walking from Magic Kingdom to the church in the dark, I kept hearing rustling in the bushes nearby and nearly jumped out of my skin. He traded me spots so he could walk closer to the forest. What a gentleman!
2. I work out with the Atlanta Braves. Since I work in the sports complex, I get free admission to the gym they have there for the athletes. Now, I don't really care about sports. But baseball players, well, they're pretty easy on the eyes. I don't actually like to talk to anyone while I'm working out, because if I don't just stay inside my head, then I realize how much I look like an idiot and I won't work out. So I try to keep to myself. But these guys keep talking to me, and they all have huge muscles, and it's pretty awesome.
3. Free Admission to Disney World. Enough said.
4. My roommates are awesome. I'm always a little nervous about getting new roommates, but these ones are pretty dang sweet. We've already had so much fun together. I went with two of my roommates, Natalie and Kylie, to One More Disney Day, when Magic Kingdom was open from 6am on Wednesday until 6am on Thursday, over Leap Day. It was so much fun!
5. All the new friends I'm making. I'm really liking all the people I've met. I'm really excited to get to know a lot of these people over the next few months.
6....Ok, maybe that's all I got for now, but obviously I'm pretty excited about the other things. I'm still trying to work out the not-working-on-Sunday thing, and Food and Beverage still isn't my favorite, but I'm thinking all the good is outweighing the bad. And I'll figure out Sundays. It's gonna happen.
I just can't help but feel that I made the right choice coming here. A lot of people didn't find out I was coming here until right before I left, and that's because I still didn't feel absolutely certain that I should go, and I wondered if maybe I shouldn't go. But right before I left, I got a really good feeling about it. And I keep getting that feeling. I just feel really peaceful about this decision, like this is what I was supposed to do all along. And I'm happy. Even though it's not what I expected or even really what I wanted, I can't help but still be grateful for everything.

Love Led Us Here

 Love led us here

Right back to where we belong
We followed a star and here we are
Now Heaven seems so near
Love led us here


Is it bad that this song from Muppet Treasure Island suddenly got stuck in my head while I was talking to the missionaries? I don't think so.

Oh so many thoughts I don't know where to begin. I think that media can be used to spread good messages, as well as the bad, and I think that sometimes, unintentionally, Disney movies can teach the Gospel. I think I wrote in a previous post that I believe that anything that is truly good comes from God.

The reason why this song got stuck in my head is because we were talking about the Atonement, or Christ's sacrifice for everyone who ever lived, or is living, or will live.

It got me to thinking about God's love for everyone. It also got me to thinking about my own life and where it's going and where it's been. I had no idea that one day I would move out to Florida and work at Disney World. In fact, I thought I would be lucky to even come visit Disney World ever again when my parents took me back when I was 11.

I had no idea I would go to Snow College, or go to UVU or be in LDC or work at Taylor Maid, or be 23 with absolutely no prospects for marriage. My life, since graduating from high school, has not been anything like what I thought it would be.

Sorry, Angie, I couldn't resist

 Honestly, I planned to go to BYU, meet my husband before I graduated, and hopefully start popping out some babies by the time I was 23. Sounded like a breeze of a plan to me. I never even thought that going on a mission was ever going to be a consideration of mine because I was convinced that I would get married before I turned 21, or that I would at least be engaged.

But that is NOT what happened. And even though I really want to get married, I'm really glad that things have worked out the way they have.

San Diego 2008

At Snow College, I learned how to have friends, and how to be a friend, as sad as that may sound considering I was 18 years old. Whenever I think of that time, I can hardly remember what I studied, but what I do remember are the incredible friends that I made. Friends who helped build me up and strengthen my faith. And even though I don't talk to some of them anymore, and maybe some of them have wandered down other paths now, what they did for me in that moment in time changed me for good. It inspired me to want to be that kind of friend.

At Taylor Maid, I learned how to be a good worker. Everyone there knows that if Rick, the owner, walks by and sees you just standing there, you are going to get it. He's not paying you to stand around, you see. If there aren't any customers, you sure as heck better be doing something else that's going to improve the store. I learned how to take pride in my work, and how to work with others who have huge personality differences. I also had to learn about myself and how others perceive me when I got promoted, so I learned to speak with more kindness. And I never knew that being obsessed with Harry Potter could help get me a job! I'm hoping that I can return to learn more lessons there when I get back to Utah.

In the Latter-day Celebration Choir, I think I may have learned the most. I learned to have faith in myself and my own abilities. I learned how working together to blend created the most beautiful effect. I learned the sweet joy of sharing the Gospel using one of my talents.  Day by day, I was able to hear the Gospel in a way that had the most impact on me (besides the way my parents taught me), through music. Again, this is one of those journeys that isn't quite over yet.

O Love Divine

At UVU, I learned to have a passion for what I'm studying. Before, school could be fun, or interesting. But once I started seeing my drawings come to life, I felt a fire like never before. Never before had I ever spent 10 straight hours working on a project for school. I had always reached the point of "that's good enough." That wasn't going to cut it for my animation class. The way my teacher taught the class, you could tell that it was something he really believed in. It made me believe in it too, as an art form. I have every desire to complete my Bachelor's degree there at UVU in animation.

And now, I'm here in Florida, doing the Disney College Program. I know there are still lessons I'm learning, like how to be more humble for example. I've learned to be grateful for what I had in Provo. I know that one lesson I've learned is how very much I love my family, and how much it hurts to be so far away from them for so long. I know in the eternal scheme of things, six months isn't that long. And I know that anyone who has served a mission is now calling me a baby because not only can I call, text, skype, and facebook them, but my parents even came for a visit. But I know that no matter where I go in life, I want to make the right decisions so that this kind of separation isn't permanent. I want to be with them for eternity.

wouldn't you wanna be with these lovely chomps too?

 

I am so glad that I came to Florida, though. I have made some awesome friends, who are the real reason why I don't just cut my program short and come straight home.

If you made it through this post, I applaud you. All of my posts seem to be really long, so that's why I don't feel bad for not posting often. Also why I add so many pictures. But, I just thought that all of these decisions I made in my life, every opportunity that's come my way, I know God has placed in my life because I've been striving to make the right decisions.  And I just have to have the faith that God will continue to guide me as long as I do what He asks. There were so many factors that had to fall into place for me to come out here to Florida, and I kept saying to myself, I feel like I should do this, but if it doesn't work out, then maybe it just wasn't the right thing. But because it did work out, and it was something I wanted to do, I knew it was something I should do. Heavenly Father prepared a way for it to happen.

So I'm exactly where I am right now because Love led me here.

The Stripling Warriors

Ok, so maybe this post doesn't have that much to do with being in Florida. More on that later! But my cousin just posted this picture on his facebook, since he's leaving to be a missionary for my church this week, and it is fantastic. I just finished reading about the Stripling Warriors in the Book of Mormon. This is one of my all-time favorite stories from the scriptures. In case you're not familiar with it, it's a story about 2060 brave young warriors. Most of the Book of Mormon tells the story of the descendants of a family that came over to the Americas  in 600 B.C. Two of the sons were named Nephi and Laman. Nephi was a righteous man, and Laman was his older brother who didn't make the best decisions. Their descendents were called Nephites and Lamanites, respectively. So much, much later on, there was a man named Ammon who went to the Lamanites, on a mission, much like the one my cousin is about embark on, and converted a whole city of Lamanites. Because these Lamanites wanted to never again offend God, they took an oath that they would never shed blood again. Then the other Lamanites and some wicked Nephites began to attack them. These wonderfully righteous and penitent people would have rather allowed themselves to be massacred than to break their covenant with God. But what about their children? The Nephites were trying to protect them, but they needed more help. So two thousand of their sons volunteered to go to war for them. Alma 56:47 says: "Now they had never fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yeah, they had been taught by their mothers that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them." I love that. I love their faith, and I love that they had been taught by their mothers. I want that kind of faith. I want to be that kind of mother some day. As the war goes on, their captain, Helaman, tries everything he can to use them as a strategic tool, like using them as a decoy, so that they don't ever actually have to fight. Unfortunately, it finally comes time for the Stripling Warriors to join the actual battle. They fight, and after the battle is over, Helaman, with heavy heart, asks how many of his "sons" has fallen. None. Not a single boy died. The next battle rolls around. Every single boy is spared. At the time Helaman writes his letter to Moroni, in which he relates this story, all of the Stripling Warriors are still living. This account is so inspiring to me. Sometimes, you may think it's hard to trust in God, but if you keep your promises, God will keep His promises. It takes courage, and sometimes you have to take chances when you don't know all the answers. There are so many things I don't know, and I feel inadequate in so many situations, but I have to just keep moving forward with faith. 

Adventure is the Best Way to Procrastinate

Hello, blog world. I am still here! Actually, I just started another blog for my artwork, which can be found here: http://angelaisdoodlinginclass.blogspot.com/ although there's not much on it at the moment, but it's a good start.
Anyway, I had a great day so far today! I met with a lady at Hollywood Studios who works in the Ink and Paint department there for the Animation Gallery store. Once upon a time, there was a feature animation studio here at Hollywood Studios, where guests could see films actually being animated. When I came with my family in 2000, they were animating The Emperor's New Groove, and I remember that being one of the highlights I can remember from that trip. Unfortunately, Disney decided that they wanted all their animators in one spot, and closed the studio here. With the advent of new technology, much of 2D animation is becoming a lost art, and one of the first things to go was Ink and Paint. Back in the day, each frame of animation used to be traced onto celluloid (or animators call them cels for short), which are transparent sheets like the ones your fourth grade teacher used on her overhead projector. This was done using a technique called inking, which requires a very steady hand and a good sense of line. After they were inked, the painter would turn them over and paint on the back side to give the animation color. Now this is just for one subject that's moving. For example, if Mickey Mouse was having a nice little chat with Donald Duck on a windy day next to a palm tree, then Mickey, Donald, and the palm tree would all have their own cel. All the cels in the scene would then be stacked over the painted background and photographed. Remember, all of this is for one frame, and there's 24 frames for every second of animation. The woman I spoke with today told me there were millions of cels used in The Little Mermaid--which is incidentally my favorite Disney movie, and also one she happened to work on in the Ink and Paint department.
These days, all of that is done digitally, and there are only two mills in the entire world that still make celluloid (although now they make them a little less combustible than they used to--apparently people used to die!). So they try to keep this dying art alive in the humble little shop in Hollywood Studios by inking and painting cels, and framing them to sell to guests in Disney World. And, they let me paint a little bit of pirate Mickey! It was so fun!
I learned all of that today! Isn't that something? After that, I went over to the Animation drawing class (as usual, I've been there so many times already) and sat through 3 classes learning how to draw Disney characters. I love it!
Then I popped on over to Animal Kingdom, where I found some kangaroos and drew them. Kangaroos are my favorite animal, and are now also my favorite animal to draw. They have the coolest action lines. And they stay still a lot longer than most animals. Not like tigers. You expect the tigers to be all lazy, because when you walk up, they're sleeping. Then all of a sudden they jump up and they pace back and forth, and you can't get a good drawing. One cool thing that happened though, is that one of the tigers suddenly saw all the people gawking at him in the window, and he walked right up to the window, placed one paw on the window and gawked back. I could literally see condensation from his breath on the glass.
On my way back from Animal Kingdom, as the College Program bus was pulling out, I finally saw a wild alligator. It was running away from the bus. Have you ever seen an alligator run? It was pretty comical. Wow, look at my amazing photography skills, especially through a dirty bus window! Ha, just kidding, I found this one on the internet, but this is pretty much what it looked like, except I'm pretty sure its legs were flailing about in its attempt to escape the bus.
Anyway, I have to say that I am the master of procrastination, because I did all of this, knowing full well that I have so much work to do for my online classes, since they end this week, and finals are next week. But really, I have an A and a B so far, and for someone who is pretty much living in Disney World right now, I think that's pretty good.

Faith in the Little Things

Florida has a warm climate as most people know. Therefore, there are a lot of bugs here. Since being here, I've been lucky enough to have my first few encounters with cockroaches.
This morning, however, was the worst encounter yet.
There is nothing quite like the sensation of seeing a two-inch long brown cockroach scurry out from underneath your dresser at 5:30 in the morning. My first instinct, of course, was to scream. So, I started to scream, then remembered my roommates  were still sleeping and so only a strangled, stifled noise came out of my throat. Also I had just woken up and had no voice. I froze. I didn't know what to do. I have this thing about smashing bugs, and the reasons are twofold: first, that I am almost as terrified of dead bugs as I am of living ones, so seeing a dead cockroach smashed into my carpet wouldn't be much of an improvement over seeing a live one.  Second, that when I was a kid I remember smashing ants for fun on the sidewalk, and I remember my Dad teaching me that every living thing is a creation of our Heavenly Father and that for every life you take, you will be accountable. So, as a rule, I don't smash bugs unless they are particularly disgusting, and I definitely never kill spiders, unless it's a black widow. I even try to walk around ants now.
However, a cockroach can carry diseases and is a very unwelcome guest in my apartment. And let's be honest, it is ridiculously disgusting. I turned to look in my closet for a shoe, and when I looked back, it had disappeared. I almost screamed again. I ran into my kitchen and grabbed a potent cleaner. I didn't see it, didn't see it, didn't see it. I put the cleaner down and started looking for my stuff for work. I looked up. There it was again. I turned to grab the cleaner. It disappeared. It looked as if it was slowly moving toward my closet. No way. Not in my shoes! I grabbed a few more things, all the while, keeping an eye on my dresser. I went into the kitchen to drop off my stuff, and when I came back, it was out again. It was moving back toward my door. I ran and grabbed the cleaner. It was gone again. I walked over and turned off my closet light. I walked out of my room and turned around to take one last look inside before I turned off the light. I was trying to decide if it was better to close the door so no more cockroaches would come in, or leave it open so that one would leave. Looking at the bottom of my door now, it wouldn't have really mattered. It could fit underneath, easy. I leaned in to turn off the light, and there it was. I had the cleaner in hand. I stepped forward and doused it. I was too scared to step on it, but I sprayed continuously until it rolled over and stopped moving. Then I sprayed it more and more, quietly yelling, "Die! Die!" Then I stepped on it. Then I sprayed it with hair spray. Then I laid a paper towel over it and stepped on it more and more. There were definitely guts coming out. I grabbed a whole wad of paper towels and scooped up the mess and threw it in the trash.
By the end of the ordeal, I was shaking. I didn't really know why, but I figured it was because I used up so much energy and I hadn't had breakfast yet. But as the day went on, I realized just how traumatized I really was, which sounds silly, but it's true. I started to dread coming home. What if there were more? What if there was a nest under my dresser? I have literally been awake now for 22 1/2 hours straight. I have entered my room cautiously every time, and picked every single article of clothing up off the floor and washed it, whether it was clean or dirty. I washed my bedding. I vacuumed my floor. I sprayed it all down with air freshener.
You know something has really gotten under my skin if I feel the need to pray about it. Never have I said so many prayers about bugs today, that they won't come in my apartment anymore. But I live on the ground floor of a crappy apartment complex in Florida, and last night, one of my roommates left the door open for a while. As one of my friends pointed out today, it's gonna happen.
And I don't know why it gets to me so bad; maybe I'm not over my germophobia like I thought.
But the experience has brought two things to mind. One, obviously, the importance of having a clean room. I had let my room slide for far too long and this is what happens. I never want my room to be messy again.
Two is a little more complicated, and why I'm blogging about it in the first place, so sorry for the long introduction.
As I thought about my prayers asking that there be no more cockroaches in my apartment, I felt a little silly. I thought, well I prayed about it, so the next step is to have faith that Heavenly Father will protect me. But, protect me from cockroaches, really? I mean, honestly, could they really hurt me that bad? And doesn't God have more important things to do than help me with a little pest problem? Wasn't I just blowing it out of proportion? Surely Heavenly Father wouldn't care if I had bugs in my apartment, and serve me right for not cleaning my room, right?
But then, I thought back to a journal entry I made back in August. At the time, there were two people whose personalities I didn't know how to deal with, and I felt as if I had no choice but to be miserable around them because of the way they treated me. And I had tried talking to both of them, but with no success. It was causing me a great deal of stress and anxiety because, obviously, that's what I do when I'm in a situation that I feel is too much for me to handle. But even at the time, it seemed a little silly. Those two people were just being themselves, and I don't think either of them really knew just how much it affected me. I kind of felt as if it was actually my problem and that, again, I was blowing things out of proportion. But that was how I felt, and I couldn't get over the overwhelming anxiety it gave me. As these things were turning in my mind in while driving in my car, I suddenly had the thought to pray about it.
I remember specifically writing down that thought later and the feelings that came with it. I felt as though Heavenly Father were saying to me that even in the little things, He cared. From day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, my concerns were important to Him because I am one of His daughters. Whether or not my concern sounded silly to other people, or even if it literally was something that shouldn't cause me that much anxiety, even by my own standards, if it mattered to me, it mattered to Him. 
Is it going to stop the world that there may be cockroaches in my apartment still? No. But I do know that because I care, God cares. And there may be some here, but because I have faith that I will be protected, they can't hurt me or my roommates, so what is there to fear? And because if I keep the commandments, all things will work together for my good. I know that I've learned important things and reinforced my faith in God, all because that little disgusting creature decided to invade my apartment.
So, now that it is almost 5:00 a.m., I think I'll go to bed, knowing that everything is going to work out, and the exterminator will come tomorrow.

 

"It is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when it is sown in the earth, is less than all the seeds that be in the earth: But when it is sown, it groweth up, and becometh greater than all herbs, and shooteth out great branches; so that the fowls of the air may lodge under the shadow of it." Mark 4:31-32

Who Are the Mormons?

I've had a lot of questions since I got here in Florida about my religion. I seriously love to talk about it, and definitely welcome any questions from friends who sincerely want to know what I believe. Here is one reference that is pretty cool. There are also answers to frequently asked questions (like about the temple and polygamy and The Book of Mormon) on the website I got this picture from here: http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/mormonism-101

And again, I love to talk about it. Being a member of this Church and knowing that I can live with my wonderful family forever brings me more happiness than I can possibly describe.