A Different Kind of Castle

Happy Valentine's Day.
I've hated Valentine's Day for a long time.
If I was honest with myself, the reason is that the thing I've always wanted most in life is to be in love. Even when I was a little girl, I just wanted to be in love. I think that's why Heavenly Father has made me wait so long to find the man I'm going to marry because it's the real test of my faith. It's not hard to keep my standards around other people, it's not hard to pay my tithing, or read my scriptures or anything else. It is hard to keep believing that I'll fall in love with someone who will want to marry me and be with me for eternity. And the longer it takes, the harder it is.
I auditioned to be a face character here at Disney World yesterday. Don't worry, this ties together. I didn't even make it past the first cut. They took us in a room, looked at our faces, and kept two out of fifty girls in our group.
Like, maybe my face isn't just right. But I know I am beautiful and I know that I could really be great as a character. I love kids, and I just really want to be the person at Disney World that makes their whole day. I hate that my face isn't right for it. In a way, it seems unfair to me. Why not just give me the chance, Disney?
I've been thinking about how much ESPN Wide World of Sports is so not my thing, and why did it work out this way? Why couldn't I have auditioned yesterday, and I get a happy ending? Why doesn't anything I do work out that way? Not only am I not a princess, but I also never get the date with the guy I like and I never get the part I want in a play, and it took forEVER to get promoted at Taylor Maid. I've tried to live with these kinds of things and I just get tired of feeling like I'm constantly being kicked down. It makes me afraid to hope anymore.
Today I got deployed from my usual location to a discount Disney resort. I wiped down tables for six hours straight. That's all I did. And the first manager treated me like dirt. He wouldn't even smile at me. Hello, you work at Disney! Be happy for goodness sake! Although the manager I had for the last hour was really awesome and thanked me just for coming to work. Anyway, I went to Magic Kingdom afterward to drop off my costume and had a little time to kill, so my roommate and I walked around Magic Kingdom for a little while.

One of the things that attracted me to Disney is the happy atmosphere. Since getting here, I've learned that not everyone is quite so happy. But I have already had so many good times, and when I have time to feel the Disney Magic, it feels really good.

I had to hurry home today though, because I was going to the Orlando, Florida temple.
At first, I was still pretty stressed about everything, and that's all I could think about.
But as I spent more time inside, I could feel the warmth and the familiarity of the Gospel wash over me.
It was a different kind of happy than how I've ever felt at Disney. I believe that everything good comes from God. That includes Walt Disney's dream of creating a place where families can be happy and enjoy a good time together. But there's a difference between just plain good things and the light of the Gospel.
I think it's like having a crush versus being in love. When you have a crush on someone, you're giddy. It's exciting and it's new, and there's so much to experience.
But when you're in love, as I've observed from people I know who are in love, it's something so much deeper than that. It's the kind of thing that echoes through your soul. It's something that truly lasts.
That's the Gospel. It's so deep and pure. The feeling is indescribable.

And knowing just how much God loves me makes none of that other stuff matter. It doesn't matter that I'm not a princess at Disney World. It doesn't matter that some boy never asked me out. My Heavenly Father is aware of me and how I feel, and He knows what's going to make me the best person I can be. All I have to do is be patient and I'll see what He has in store, and it'll be better than I ever dreamed.

It's really awesome that I get to live by Cinderella's castle until the end of the summer. It's really exciting. But my favorite place to be is a little different kind of castle.