Green is For the Trees -- Another forgotten blog post from April

Envy. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. For one, it's definitely one of my greatest weaknesses. I see other people's happiness and talents and I just get so mad that I didn't get those things. I always think, if only I could just have that one thing that they have, then I would be happy.
Last weekend was also General Conference, which of course, always sends me in frenzies of new thoughts on how to improve myself. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, first counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, gave a fantastic talk on not judging others. In my notes, I wrote NO ENVY, just like that in capital letters. And to top it all off, in my Ethics and Values class that I'm taking online, in an excerpt from "Virtuous Activity," Aristotle says, "But not every action nor every passion admits of a mean [or good]; for some have names that already imply badness, e.g., spite, shamelessness, envy..."
In a way, I usually feel I can justify my envy because I want good things. Like, why can't I be a good missionary like So-and-So, or why can't I be more charitable like What's-Her-Name? But envy is always wrong, even if I envy someone's ability to be charitable, because when I envy someone, not only do I feel inferior, but then I try to justify myself by thinking of all their bad qualities that should most assuredly cancel out whatever it is that I envy. Then, I feel bad about myself already, and then I'm also mentally tearing others down and purposefully not treating them as Christ would have me treat them.
Tonight, as the pangs of envy began to creep into my mind about some of my incredibly awesome friends and their outstanding propensity for missionary work, a thought came to me. That's just not my gift. I mean, it's certainly something I can try to develop, and that I should develop, but perhaps in a different way. I thought about different people in my life and their effect on me, and the experiences I've gone through. Everything has led me here to this point in my life, and I'm definitely not a perfect person, but I believe I can say with certainty that I am a better person than I was last April.
One of my all-time favorite quotes is by Elder Neal A. Maxwell, who was an apostle. He says, "The same God that placed that star in a precise orbit millenia before it appeared over Bethlehem in celebration of the birth of the Babe has given at least equal attention to each of us in precise human orbits, so that we may, if we will, illuminate the landscape of our individual lives, so that our light may not only lead others, but warm them as well."
So what I am very clumsily getting at here is the idea that we are all given unique talents and gifts, and we are all placed in specific "human orbits" that allow us not only to grow, but to help others grow as well. There is absolutely no reason to ever be envious. I'm the person that I am because my Heavenly Father knows me and my heart, and He gave me specific talents, desires, and weaknesses tailored to my own personal earthly experience and quest for eternal life. How incredibly wonderful is that?
Now, I'm not trying to excuse myself for not being a good missionary, but I realize that sometimes the way some people are able to do missionary work is not the same way that I am able to contribute. I am not nearly bold enough to walk up to someone and give them a pass-along card. But I do know that when I truly care about someone, that love runs deep and there is rooted in me a desire to help them know how much God loves them as well. I may never be bold enough to say anything to their face, but I've spent many nights on my knees, in tears, praying that they will know, and praying that I will know how to show them.
A blog is a good way for me to communicate how I really feel. I always think in my head like I'm writing something. A phrase comes to me over and over again, and I go back and edit and revise until the thought is exactly what I'm thinking. I'm always stumbling over words when I speak. And I think, at least I hope, that writing is one of those specific talents that Heavenly Father has given me.
So, here's to developing new talents, and having gratitude for the ones I already have.There's no reason to envy what someone else has when my cup runneth over. My life is beautiful and wonderful, and there are still so many promised blessings that I will receive when the time is right.
I know that God is there. I just know it, in my heart, and the feeling is overwhelming.

How are you? -- A blog post I forgot about from March :)

So, I have this friend, who may or may not read this blog, I don't know, but I remember in high school when people would ask him how he was doing, he would always say, "ok." And he'd say the reasoning why he didn't say "good" all the time is because if he was "good" all the time then it wouldn't really be good, it would just be normal. Thus, he was "ok." Well, I can tell you right now, people keep asking me how I'm doing out here in Florida, and I can tell you that things are FANTASTIC.
Ok, maybe that was a little overenthusiastic, but let's be real. I'm living in Disney World.
Here are a few reasons why my life is awesome right now:
1. Florida is beautiful. If you've ever been to Disneyland, you know that it is surrounded on all sides by city--a bunch of little businesses cropped up after it was built to take advantage of all the tourists. Well, Walt Disney hated that. He wished he had more room to build. So he decided to start the "Florida Project." He bought an immense amount of land out here in central Florida so that no one could box him in. Therefore, Disney World is surrounded by forest. It really is the most fantastic forest too, because you've got your regular conifer trees, but you've also got palm trees and those little plants that look tropical...I can't remember what they're called. And sometimes, when it's early in the morning it's wrapped in mist. It's so great. I always imagine myself with a machete, wearing khaki shorts and hiking boots, cutting my way through the forest, wrestling alligators and stuff just like Indiana Jones. Although, I am a chicken when it comes to alligators because when my friend and I were walking from Magic Kingdom to the church in the dark, I kept hearing rustling in the bushes nearby and nearly jumped out of my skin. He traded me spots so he could walk closer to the forest. What a gentleman!
2. I work out with the Atlanta Braves. Since I work in the sports complex, I get free admission to the gym they have there for the athletes. Now, I don't really care about sports. But baseball players, well, they're pretty easy on the eyes. I don't actually like to talk to anyone while I'm working out, because if I don't just stay inside my head, then I realize how much I look like an idiot and I won't work out. So I try to keep to myself. But these guys keep talking to me, and they all have huge muscles, and it's pretty awesome.
3. Free Admission to Disney World. Enough said.
4. My roommates are awesome. I'm always a little nervous about getting new roommates, but these ones are pretty dang sweet. We've already had so much fun together. I went with two of my roommates, Natalie and Kylie, to One More Disney Day, when Magic Kingdom was open from 6am on Wednesday until 6am on Thursday, over Leap Day. It was so much fun!
5. All the new friends I'm making. I'm really liking all the people I've met. I'm really excited to get to know a lot of these people over the next few months.
6....Ok, maybe that's all I got for now, but obviously I'm pretty excited about the other things. I'm still trying to work out the not-working-on-Sunday thing, and Food and Beverage still isn't my favorite, but I'm thinking all the good is outweighing the bad. And I'll figure out Sundays. It's gonna happen.
I just can't help but feel that I made the right choice coming here. A lot of people didn't find out I was coming here until right before I left, and that's because I still didn't feel absolutely certain that I should go, and I wondered if maybe I shouldn't go. But right before I left, I got a really good feeling about it. And I keep getting that feeling. I just feel really peaceful about this decision, like this is what I was supposed to do all along. And I'm happy. Even though it's not what I expected or even really what I wanted, I can't help but still be grateful for everything.

Love Led Us Here

 Love led us here

Right back to where we belong
We followed a star and here we are
Now Heaven seems so near
Love led us here


Is it bad that this song from Muppet Treasure Island suddenly got stuck in my head while I was talking to the missionaries? I don't think so.

Oh so many thoughts I don't know where to begin. I think that media can be used to spread good messages, as well as the bad, and I think that sometimes, unintentionally, Disney movies can teach the Gospel. I think I wrote in a previous post that I believe that anything that is truly good comes from God.

The reason why this song got stuck in my head is because we were talking about the Atonement, or Christ's sacrifice for everyone who ever lived, or is living, or will live.

It got me to thinking about God's love for everyone. It also got me to thinking about my own life and where it's going and where it's been. I had no idea that one day I would move out to Florida and work at Disney World. In fact, I thought I would be lucky to even come visit Disney World ever again when my parents took me back when I was 11.

I had no idea I would go to Snow College, or go to UVU or be in LDC or work at Taylor Maid, or be 23 with absolutely no prospects for marriage. My life, since graduating from high school, has not been anything like what I thought it would be.

Sorry, Angie, I couldn't resist

 Honestly, I planned to go to BYU, meet my husband before I graduated, and hopefully start popping out some babies by the time I was 23. Sounded like a breeze of a plan to me. I never even thought that going on a mission was ever going to be a consideration of mine because I was convinced that I would get married before I turned 21, or that I would at least be engaged.

But that is NOT what happened. And even though I really want to get married, I'm really glad that things have worked out the way they have.

San Diego 2008

At Snow College, I learned how to have friends, and how to be a friend, as sad as that may sound considering I was 18 years old. Whenever I think of that time, I can hardly remember what I studied, but what I do remember are the incredible friends that I made. Friends who helped build me up and strengthen my faith. And even though I don't talk to some of them anymore, and maybe some of them have wandered down other paths now, what they did for me in that moment in time changed me for good. It inspired me to want to be that kind of friend.

At Taylor Maid, I learned how to be a good worker. Everyone there knows that if Rick, the owner, walks by and sees you just standing there, you are going to get it. He's not paying you to stand around, you see. If there aren't any customers, you sure as heck better be doing something else that's going to improve the store. I learned how to take pride in my work, and how to work with others who have huge personality differences. I also had to learn about myself and how others perceive me when I got promoted, so I learned to speak with more kindness. And I never knew that being obsessed with Harry Potter could help get me a job! I'm hoping that I can return to learn more lessons there when I get back to Utah.

In the Latter-day Celebration Choir, I think I may have learned the most. I learned to have faith in myself and my own abilities. I learned how working together to blend created the most beautiful effect. I learned the sweet joy of sharing the Gospel using one of my talents.  Day by day, I was able to hear the Gospel in a way that had the most impact on me (besides the way my parents taught me), through music. Again, this is one of those journeys that isn't quite over yet.

O Love Divine

At UVU, I learned to have a passion for what I'm studying. Before, school could be fun, or interesting. But once I started seeing my drawings come to life, I felt a fire like never before. Never before had I ever spent 10 straight hours working on a project for school. I had always reached the point of "that's good enough." That wasn't going to cut it for my animation class. The way my teacher taught the class, you could tell that it was something he really believed in. It made me believe in it too, as an art form. I have every desire to complete my Bachelor's degree there at UVU in animation.

And now, I'm here in Florida, doing the Disney College Program. I know there are still lessons I'm learning, like how to be more humble for example. I've learned to be grateful for what I had in Provo. I know that one lesson I've learned is how very much I love my family, and how much it hurts to be so far away from them for so long. I know in the eternal scheme of things, six months isn't that long. And I know that anyone who has served a mission is now calling me a baby because not only can I call, text, skype, and facebook them, but my parents even came for a visit. But I know that no matter where I go in life, I want to make the right decisions so that this kind of separation isn't permanent. I want to be with them for eternity.

wouldn't you wanna be with these lovely chomps too?

 

I am so glad that I came to Florida, though. I have made some awesome friends, who are the real reason why I don't just cut my program short and come straight home.

If you made it through this post, I applaud you. All of my posts seem to be really long, so that's why I don't feel bad for not posting often. Also why I add so many pictures. But, I just thought that all of these decisions I made in my life, every opportunity that's come my way, I know God has placed in my life because I've been striving to make the right decisions.  And I just have to have the faith that God will continue to guide me as long as I do what He asks. There were so many factors that had to fall into place for me to come out here to Florida, and I kept saying to myself, I feel like I should do this, but if it doesn't work out, then maybe it just wasn't the right thing. But because it did work out, and it was something I wanted to do, I knew it was something I should do. Heavenly Father prepared a way for it to happen.

So I'm exactly where I am right now because Love led me here.